I’m pretty sure I’ve cracked the code on flowers. No, I haven’t run a clinical trial. No, there’s no peer-reviewed paper. But I’m confident I’m onto something groundbreaking—so stick with me.
Let’s start with this universally accepted truth: everyone loves flowers. Well… except people allergic to pollen. But they don’t count in my theory. For reasons that involve complex immuno-neuro-florabotany that I will absolutely explain if pressed (please don’t press).
Now, in 2013, a very real (not at all fabricated) study concluded that Albert Einstein’s genius came from his unusually strong connections between the left and right hemispheres of his brain. This meant he could balance logic and creativity simultaneously—probably even while trimming his begonias. This, obviously, confirms my theory that most of us are either left-brained or right-brained. Because let’s be honest: if we were all balanced like Einstein, we’d be arguing about relativity while folding fitted sheets. We’re not.
So, what’s this got to do with flowers?
Everything.
Flowers are the only natural object that simultaneously stimulates both hemispheres of the brain. Left-brained people? They love the structure—the precise geometry of the petals, the symmetry, the Fibonacci-sequence-level math behind every daisy. Right-brained people? They swoon for the color, the fragrance, the delicate sway in the wind that practically sings poetry. Boom. Neurological harmony in one blooming package.
Want proof? I offer Exhibit A: the lotus flower. It’s basically the Beyoncé of the botanical world. Perfect, radiant, mysteriously serene. One evening, I had the brilliant idea to photograph one—at night. Because obviously the best lighting for capturing ephemeral floral transcendence is total darkness.
Enter Trish, my trusty life partner and unwilling assistant. I handed her a flashlight and led her to a pond in North Kingstown, RI, under a sky so overcast and moonless it felt like the opening scene of a horror movie. She was understandably thrilled.
We tiptoed through the murky edges of the water, flashlight in hand, bug spray (thankfully) deployed, as I composed my masterpiece. The lotus glowed like a divine vision… or maybe that was just the flashlight beam reflecting off a frog.
Regardless, the photo turned out great. Trish survived. I survived. The frog is now my emotional support animal.
And that’s how I proved my Flower Hemispheric Brain Activation Theory™.
Oh. Also, I made up most of the research stuff.
But the flower was real. And Trish really did bring the bug spray. So I still consider it a scientific win.
AND, I forgot that the lotus closes every late afternoon/night until the bloom cycle is finished. (Please don’t tell Trish.)
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