The Netherlanders are among the friendliest, warmest, most contagiously courteous people on the planet.
These folks could teach Disney characters how to be nicer.
They smile at you.
They hold doors.
They’ll cheerfully help you pronounce words with more vowels than should be legal.
Unless… they are on a bicycle.
Then?
Well… some inner transformer activates.
The Dutch become aerodynamic gladiators—polite off the bike, merciless on it.
It’s Jekyll and Hyde, but with a bell and quads of steel.
Now, to be fair, Amsterdam is designed for this madness.
The city is a cyclist’s paradise.
They have dedicated, protected bike lanes everywhere—separate from cars, separate from pedestrians, often separated by curbs, buffers, canals, and the occasional existential threat.
There are bike-specific traffic signals (yes, actual traffic lights JUST for bikes).
They have bike lanes on streets, bike paths off streets, bike roundabouts, and bike routes that look like they were designed by a cartographer with a caffeine addiction.
And when there isn’t a bike lane?
Cyclists simply join the road and follow vehicle rules, because in Amsterdam, a bicycle is not a bicycle.
It is a way of life. They even have bicycle parking garages with intermodal service to canal boats/taxis!
And speaking of bicycles—only in the Netherlands will you see a bike with an entire cargo box for multiple children between the front wheel and the driver.
A rolling minivan powered by quads.
I saw one mom cycling uphill with three kids, a bag of groceries, and the expression of someone out for a leisurely Sunday stroll.
Meanwhile, I was winded just watching.
Which brings us to my near-death experience.
There I was, soaking in the charm of Amsterdam:
the houseboats, the canals, the architecture that looks like gingerbread homes built by whimsical engineers…
And then I made the fatal mistake that every tourist makes exactly once:
I stepped—ever so slightly, ever so innocently—
into the bike lane.
What followed was immediate, decisive, and executed with military precision.
A handlebar to my elbow.
A perfect strike.
Fluid movement.
Absolutely no reduction in speed.
A drive-by clobbering.
And the cyclist?
Never slowed.
Never swerved.
Never looked back.
For all I know, he dinged his bell afterward just to reestablish dominance.
I began wondering—if I were a dog, would he have stopped?
Maybe?
Maybe not.
Even the dogs in Amsterdam seem to understand the gravity of the bike lanes.
They stand back like, “Buddy… you’re on your own.”
But the Dutch devotion to bikes actually makes sense.
Bikes outnumber cars. A local guide told us bikes outnumber people.
They have entire parking garages—multi-level structures—just for bicycles.
The whole country is embracing sustainability so enthusiastically that I half expect the bicycles to soon have their own solar farms.
Amsterdam aims for zero transport emissions by 2030:
- Electric or hydrogen buses only.
- Fossil fuel vehicles banned from city limits.
- Diesel canal boats: gone.
- Charging stations popping up like mushrooms after a rainstorm.
This isn’t a casual environmental gesture.
This is a full-scale national movement.
So, for all future travelers:
Go to Amsterdam.
Eat the crepes.
Marvel at the van Gogh Museum.
Visit the Anne Frank House.
Take a canal tour.
Admire the houseboats like floating pieces of architectural whimsy.
But above all else:
**Do NOT step into a bike lane.
Ever.
For any reason.**
Because while the Dutch are among the sweetest people alive…
On a bicycle, they will launch you into the next province.
Unless, of course, you’re looking to experience Dutch healthcare.
In that case, step boldly forth—
the bikes are waiting.
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